Zhenzhong 小弟's world of rainbow colours.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

3:18 AM

One year older? One year wiser?

Yes, today is my 22nd birthday... Never thought that I would blog an entry regarding my birthday... Afterall, I was the one who didn't want my birthday to be celebrated this year...

"Why is that so?"

You may ask... Well, that's a question I can't really answer accurately... I guess there's many factors to it... One of which can be tiredness, physically tired, emotionally tired, spiritually tired, mentally tired, in short -> tired...

Another question you may ask,

"Ain't you in the holiday? Why are you still tired?"

I guess holiday IS the reason why I am tired... tired of being so used to spending my whole day playing games & watching movies & not doing anything really beneficial... Somehow the word 'holiday' already have a definition in my mind all these years as 'slacking time'... That's why, even now, as a Christian, my life seems to fall back to my own self-nature whenever it is holiday period... This is not the 1st time i experienced such tiredness.

If a person is alone & he is really very free, usually he will end up starting to ponder about things, about many things, positive thoughts, negative thoughts, good thoughts, bad thoughts, anything... So if it's positive or good, then it will lead to the person doing/planning something meaningful. Unfortunately, I belong to the other group of people...

And that's what usually happen to me when I am in holidays... That's why I sometimes just chose to keep my mind busy by playing games non-stop... You can say 这是一种逃避吧... I don't deny it. In the past, that's what I do, I tried to escape from reality or trying to seek contentment through things that I do... But most of the time, it will just end up being hollow 'cos it'll be just a short temporary period of leisure & fun, afterwhich the emptiness came in...

Now, all these things are even more real & clear to me whenever I fall into the trap of my old lifestyle... Because once you experience true joy & true contentment, you can identify anything else which is not. God is the ultimate true joy & person whom He can fill your heart & solve your troubles...

Recently have been trying to reflect on my life as a Christian so far, I guess I can say that I am changing everyday, bit by bit for the better, even though there'll be times of struggles & failures... Without God, things will be much worse... And God has really been graceful to me throughout all these while. Many times God is just waiting patiently beside me, waiting for me to turn my face to Him and hold His hand, & many times, I just cast Him aside...

I never doubt God's goodness & realness in my life. It's always the playful & naughty child's fault when he didn't listen to his father and do something that eventually hurt himself. But it will be very unfair to the father if people judge how good the father is based on just seeing the failure of the son. "养不教, 父之过" this phrase doesn't really apply in this context. One cannot deny the fact that the father is loving and caring just because of the behavior of the wilful child.

"Aiyo, how come this person like that one? Isn't he a Christian? How come his life still like that? I guess His so-called God isn't that great afterall..."

I really don't want to be that kind of person. It's too unfair to God. Just like what the bible said in Matt 5:16.

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Suddenly, I remembered back in the old school days, where we need to wear uniform, and the teachers will always tell the students to behave well outside in public whenever they are in uniform, because they are actually a representation of the school.

Similarly, as a Christian, I believed I too also carry the same responsibility of representing our Lord Jesus Christ. Even though we wear no uniform, but the very moment you declare your faith, you are actually wearing the invisible uniform, and you no longer represent just yourself, you are a living testimony of God.

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us." [2 Corinthians 5:20a]

The Celine Dion's old classic song starts to play in my head now..

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best that was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith 'cos You believe

I'm everything I am

Because You loved me

It's true. Not only till I become a Christian then did I truely understand the meaning of this song. This isn't any ordinary love song, it's really a love song to God...

So dear friends, if you have yet to have a personal relationship with God, I truely sincerely pray that one day, God will speak to you and you can experience Him in a very real & personal way. As long as you have this open heart of letting God to show his existence to you, God will always be found. I can even challenge you to say a simple prayer,

"God, whoever you are, if you are really real & that loving as what others have said, show me a sign, prove it to me personally, in order for me to believe in you."

If you really mean what you say, you will be amazed how God will speak to you.

One last verse to share/encourage, this was the 1st bible verse I was told during my own journey of seeking God, and I could truely testify it, because I really did find Him in the end!

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." [Jeremiah 29:13]

Thank God once again for all the blessings He has given me. Thank God for the people He has put in my life, my family, my friends, my spirtual brothers & sisters, my shepherd, etc.

Hope this blog entry is a meaningful one to you who are reading...

So, am I "One year older? One year wiser?"

...

Dunno... =)

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